WORKWORK25: Developing the Skill of Discernment // Highlights from The Psychology of Money
Tools for when you aren't confident in your choices and my book review of the Psychology of Money.
Inner Work
Good morning darling WORKWORKers! I hope you all had a great weekend!
As you might recall from WORKWORK23, one of my themes for 2023 is choice. Choice is the core tenant of freedom and today we’re going to talk about how to get better at it. From my coach, I’ve learned about the importance of identifying if there is a skill connected to something that I want in the world. A skill is, by nature, something you can practice, develop over time, and take real actions to improve it. I’m sure many of you can resonate with the idea that developing a skill can feel more tangible and tactical because you can track it’s progress. So as I continue to welcome more choice in my life, I realized that I can practice developing the skill of discernment. So let us begin the work.
According to Google, discernment is “the ability to judge well.” I had to quickly remind myself that the word “judge” doesn’t always mean determining something negative about someone else. Discernment, as it relates to choice within our lives, is really judging in this way: Is this a yes for me or a no for me? Is this for me or not?
It’s worth acknowledging that there is quite a range of moments that give us the opportunity to practice discernment. In my best effort to make sense of it all, I decided to group the areas to practice into 3 different buckets. I’ll explain each, then highlight tools you can use as you develop your own discernment:
Perspective + Mindset: Discernment of Thinking
Opportunity + Attention: Discernment of Doing
Surrender: Discernment of the Universe
Perspective + Mindset: Discernment of Thinking
Discernment of thinking is deciding which thoughts you want to believe. These thoughts form the foundation of your perspective or mindset. A lot of the previous issues of WORKWORK focus here. How do we become aware of our thoughts, question them, then determine which ones we want to hold onto vs. which ones we want to let go of?
You’re either believing your thoughts or questioning them. There’s no other choice. — Byron Katie
Thoughts are either proactive or reactive. You discern how you want to think about the day ahead of you, the month, the year, or the vision for your whole life. Think as small as setting an intention for your day or as big as envisioning the greatest accomplishments you want to achieve in this life. You also discern how you want to respond to something that happened in the past, whether it’s how you want to perceive the story of your life thus far or you are reacting to a moment that happened 2 seconds ago. Think as small as someone cutting you off in traffic or as big as speaking about your past accomplishments in an interview for a new job. In this category, we are judging whether a thought is for us.
Below are some tools to utilize in developing discernment of thinking:
Joe Dispenza’s visualization + meditation practices from his book, Becoming Supernatural —This is a proactive tool to help you discern how you want to think about your future, without any limitations in a realm where anything is possible to exist.
The Toltec practice of writing your story through the lens of an ally — This is a reactive tool used to help you discern how you want to view a larger story in your life from the past. Often times we tell ourselves negative stories about things that happened in the past. This is through the lens of the parasite. Write it down as it shows up and then write the version through the lens of an ally. It will help you discern how you really want to think about that story. To learn more about this tool, read chapter 3 in The Mastery of Self.
The Work by Byron Katie — This is a reactive tool used to help you discern how you want to think about others. When you have a thought about someone that creates pain, put it up against Byron Katie’s four questions and turn it around. You just might discern that you want to believe a more truthful thought.
Meditation—lastly, the tool of meditation. It’s neither proactive nor reactive. Rather it’s helpful in slowing down all the thoughts you have to discern. Quiet the mind and be present. No discerning to do here :)
Opportunity + Attention: Discernment of Doing
Discernment of doing is deciding how you want to spend your time. Which opportunities do we accept, and which do we reject? Where do we want to place our attention? Think as small as whether to scroll on your phone or call a friend. Think as big as whether you should accept a new job or move to a new home. In this category, we are judging whether something that requires our time and attention is a yes for us or a no for us.
“It’s one thing to create,” Seinfeld said. “The other is you have to choose. ‘What are we going to do, and what are we not going to do?’
Below are some tools to utilize in developing discernment of doing:
Perform an energy audit — Our energy is precious so when we check in and ask, “Is this giving me energy or taking my energy?” we can almost immediately identify if we should be spending our time there.
Check if it aligns with your values — This tool is especially helpful when discerning if something is worth investing a significant amount of time into, whether it's a job opportunity, a new friend, or learning something. Does it connect back to one of my values? This, of course, requires you to have your values determined and able to be referenced.
Determine the source of procrastination — This is particularly useful when we are delaying our discernment. My coach taught me that there are 3 sources of procrastination: 1) We don’t want the result, or it’s not values-aligned, 2) We don’t believe it's possible, or 3) We don’t know how or what the path is to get there. Figuring out which one it is will help you discern the next steps to take.
Surrender: Discernment of the Universe
Lastly, there is the discernment of the universe. This is when the choice is out of your control or when the universe decides something for you. Sometimes there is greater work at play, giving us a signal that something is meant for us. Think as small as a spark of insight when writing, or as big as your life partner is placed along your path. And sometimes we are straight-up told that something is not meant for us. Think as small as a road being closed and forcing you to go a more scenic route or as big as being fired from your job. In this category, we are really trying to discern whether we should surrender to the greater powers that be.
Below are some tools to utilize in developing discernment of the universe:
Ask yourself, is this my business, your business, or God’s business? — This is an especially useful gut check if you are unsure whether to surrender and let go of the situation. When it’s my business, I can utilize the discernment practice of the two buckets above. When it's someone else’s business, I let go and recognize it’s someone else’s responsibility but it’s not mine. When it’s God’s business, I surrender and listen.
Ask what is the gift I am receiving in this. — No matter how painful or upsetting something that happens in your life might be, there is always, without a doubt, a gift you are receiving in it.
Let the universe know you are willing to see things differently — When you can’t find the gift, let the universe know you are willing to find it.
P.s. If you really struggle with finding the “good” when “bad” things happen to you, I highly recommend reading Ryan Holiday’s The Obstacle is the Way.
Celebrate the Process, not Perfection
A quick anecdote to help get my point across here. When I was in 3rd grade, I got called to the principal’s office and had to have a parent-teacher conference for cheating. I know! Bad gal, Erin. The irony was that it wasn’t because I didn’t study for the tests. It was that I felt the need to validate my answers with the person next to me and sadly enough I would sometimes change my answers if theirs were different than mine. I trusted the answer of someone else over mine, with no knowledge of whether or not they even studied the material! Absurd when I think about it now.
But the same holds true if you don’t discern for yourself. You can make choices based on someone else’s discernment all you want, but nothing compares to what results from strengthening your discernment in yourself. Lately, I’ve been celebrating when I actively engage in choice and discern with intention, especially when it ends up being wrong. That’s the moment you need to remind yourself, most of the process. I learn, deepen my understanding of what choices I want to make, and build trust with myself through the process.
Developing Discernment Strengthens Intuition
Sometimes you might not need all of these tools. Sometimes you’ll just know what the best choice is for you. By practicing the skill of discernment, we strengthen the connection to our intuition. My interpretation of intuition is that it’s a stronger, more immediate discernment. When I think of intuition, I think of the phrase: “Trust your gut.” It’s now common knowledge that the brain and the gut are in fact linked and share information with each other. It’s why many people call your gut your second brain. Throughout practicing discernment, I encourage you to try placing special attention on your body and how it feels, drawing parallels with your body and the decisions made.
In conclusion, at any moment you have a choice. When the judgment of whether something is for you or not feels foggy, try to break it down. What type of discernment is this? Thinking? Doing? Or is it out of my hands? Check-in with yourself and utilize tools where necessary. Let’s become masters of discernment together :)
Outer Work
One of my recent reads was The Psychology of Money by Morgan Housel. So many people recommended this book to me, that I felt good about it being the first Outer Work-focused book I’ve read in a long time. Overall, I think it provided exactly what it said on the cover: timeless lessons on wealth, greed, and happiness. And that’s really what reading full books is about: diving deep into timeless lessons that you can take with you. While I wouldn’t say the concepts were novel, I do think it’s worth a read, especially if you are wanting to get out of the weeds and do a big-picture reset for how you are thinking about money, investing, and generating wealth in your life.
Sharing a few concepts that particularly stood out to me:
Finance, investing, and a lot of other innovations in the world are very young. Why is that interesting? It highlights that there is still room for innovation and room for learning. It can be easy to compare to those (individuals or companies) who appear to have it all figured out. But the reality is that all innovations in finance and other sectors are so new. This gives me comfort in the progress I have made in my own career, financial, and life decisions, but also reminds me to take the “experts” and “best practices” with a grain of salt. This was not a primary topic discussed in the book, but it was an underlying message that I took away.
“You can be wrong half the time and still make a fortune because a small minority of things account for the majority of outcomes.” This concept is the reason why I not only have a diversity of income streams but also avoid putting all my eggs in one basket. For me, I feel there is greater room for error when I’m not focused on a single job, investment, or business needing to succeed.
“When most people say they want to be a millionaire, what they might actually mean is ‘I’d like to spend a million dollars.’” This was kind of a mind-blown kinda sentence. It’s so true! I really got amped up to get better at saving from this book.
Lastly, and this really ties into today’s Inner Work, Morgan stresses the importance of not taking financial advice from other people. This is mostly because they are likely playing a different game and focusing on different priorities. Subtle plug to tune in and develop your discernment :)
Awesome read Erin!!! Congrats 💜