WORKWORK24: Masks, Identities, and the True Self // My Consumption Diet
Toltec Wisdom on identity and the things I'm consuming lately.
Inner Work
I’ve always been aware that I didn’t want to place others into a box, and that I didn’t want others to place me into a box either. I’ve also had many conversations with people around the idea that it’s much easier to become known for something if you consciously place yourself in a box and focus all your attention and identity on a singular topic or focus area of your life.
It’s like if you limit your interests to one area, become a master, and become known as the master, you have much more leverage at that point to branch out and be desired to participate in other areas that interest you. We see this all the time with celebrities turned brand owners, famous actors turned musicians, successful businesspeople turned authors, and sports stars turned talk show hosts. It makes sense — when you have an audience that cares about what you do and say, you have leverage in other areas of life.
I understand this very clearly, but I always struggled with it as someone with broad, ever-growing interests. How could I possibly confine the dynamic, multifaceted human I am into one singular box? How could I limit the way in which I express myself to a singular topic? It felt bonkers to me.
So instead of drawing a line in the sand and saying I am an ecommerce marketer through and through! I said no way, I am so much more! I really attached to wanting people to know all the different versions of Erin that exist. I would ponder on how to represent everything that makes me who I am on social, bouncing between a strategy to showcase all on each channel, or just certain parts of me would get saved for Twitter, while other parts of me would get saved for Instagram. Then I would face this battle all over again when I would meet people in person—how do I make sure they know I’m also a smart business leader, or lead a healthy, active life, or that I write this newsletter that has a lot more to do with spirituality and mindset?
And here lies the drama and the fuel of the ego: desiring others to see you in a certain way, to begin with.
“This distinction, that you are not any of the masks that you wear, is vital, because when you believe that any role, identity, career, social status, or interest is who you really are, you have fallen into another trap, and suffering is right around the corner.” — Don Miguel Ruiz, Jr., The Mastery of Self
While it’s tempting to think about answering to others the way that Abraham Hicks does in this popular TikTok audio, the reality is that playing a role is a helpful way to navigate the world. It allows us to show up in a way that others understand. We can agree that it’s much easier to show up and play a role in the world, but it takes real work to not attach to that role. To understand that none of these identities are actually us, they are just temporary. In the book, The Mastery of Self, which is based on Toltec Wisdom, they describe all the interactions we have with others as wearing a mask.
“Wearing a mask is how people define and identify with others based on shared knowledge, roles, or experience. While the mask is a symbol that allows us to understand one another, it is ultimately just a symbol whose definition is subject to our agreement (what we choose to believe in our reality).” — Don Miguel Ruiz, Jr., The Mastery of Self
There are a lot of nuances here because these masks or identities that we have can be used to our benefit in navigating the world. I might be interacting with my mom and recognize that I need to put on the mask of being her daughter in order for there to be more love and understanding in our experience. Similarly, I might put on the mask of being an ecommerce brand advisor when I’m speaking with one of the brands that I advise so that I can be more helpful in navigating a present challenge. But as mentioned before, “clinging too tightly to any mask only leads to suffering.” Outside of being able to detach from the identity, one must also be aware they are putting on a mask, to begin with:
“A Master of Self wears any mask with a full awareness that it's only a mask, a temporary identity to serve a function, and readily discards the mask when it is no longer needed.” — Don Miguel Ruiz, Jr., The Mastery of Self
Again, none of this is easy and we haven’t even touched on the roles that others project onto you. Not only does it take a depth of inner awareness and choice to understand you are putting on a mask, but you also have to be okay with the projections and definitions of what a mask means to other people. Most people you encounter project an image onto you of what they want to see rather than what is actually there. This is because everyone is living in their own “dream,” as the Toltecs call it. Bringing it back to my experience described in the beginning, I definitely struggle with this part the most. When I feel someone else projecting a mask onto me, I feel compelled to explain why it’s not accurate or not fully representative of me. But the concept of masks has helped bring to life a few really important concepts:
I am not any of the roles or identities that have been projected onto me or I have projected on myself. Just like we learned in the WORKWORK around how we are not the body or the mind.
I can choose with awareness which mask will be most useful for me at any given moment. Making decisions with this clarity of choice and power has far more impact than making decisions from a place of attaching to the mind of the ego. It’s like we learned in the WORKWORK about the role self-acceptance has in change.
Attaching to that identity and what other’s assume are a part of that identity will only bring me pain. This concept is underlined in the WORKWORK on Byron Katie and the reasons we suffer.
I’ll close with a nod to my favorite rapper, Kendrick Lamar. He’s poetic and he’s introspective. I’m an OG fan but more recently I’ve learned that one of my favorite teachers, Eckhart Tolle, is one of his personal teachers. It’s only deepened my appreciation for his most recent album which is said to incorporate a lot of the learnings from his relationship with Tolle. In his song, N95, Kendrick lists off a bunch of external stuff, ranging from clout chasing, to idols, to fake woke, and follows with the command, “Take it off.” The chorus starts with, “Take all that designer bullshit off and what do you have?” which leads into, “Bitch, you ugly as fuck.” The name of the song speaks to the infamous N95 mask we were told to wear during the pandemic and alludes to everything in the song as a mask. But as the culture of rap is deeply rooted in dissing, he’s dissing today’s world. Saying when you take off all your masks you are left with ugliness. I think he brings up an important lesson — that when we aren’t aware that the facade and the identities we seek are just masks and not really us, we take them off and we’re still disconnected from our true, pure, authentic selves.
Lessons like that reiterate why Inner Work is so important. 🙂
If you’re up for it, I recommend making a list of all the masks you have to put on. Ask yourself if there are any that you’d like to not utilize anymore. And start to build a familiarity with yourself as you go about living in the outer world, going to work, hanging with friends, and practicing seeing what it feels like to consciously put on an identity and not feel like it’s defining you.
Personally, this concept and practice have made me feel more freedom and power in how I choose to show up. It’s allowed me to feel more confident in myself when others project their view of my identity onto me, knowing that no matter what they project, this mask or their projection isn’t actually me at all. I’m less worried these days about showing up digitally or physically as all the identities of Erin and focus more on asking myself, “which mask do I want to utilize right now?” I notice this practice deepening the awareness of the maskless me, the true me.
Outer Work
In 2023, I have become consistently aware of how scattered my attention has become. Many friends I’ve talked to have related to that feeling when all of a sudden you realize you’re on Instagram, scrolling again, and have no memory of navigating there. Suddenly, I’m sort of silent screaming, “Why am I here again?!” Social channels are an addiction, no cap.
In an effort to be more intentional about what I’m consuming, I’ve made a content consumption diet that I’ll reference when I find myself aimlessly scrolling. The idea is not to erase consumption altogether, but rather become more intentional about it.
With social platforms, I’ll be doing my best to clean out follows as I go, asking myself when I see content on my feeds whether there is anything good that sticks out to me about that person or an experience with them. I learned this from my friend Austin 🙂
As for where I will redirect my consumption, here’s the breakdown of Podcasts and Newsletters I’ve selected to turn to:
Podcasts:
A16z (Business)
KindredCast (Business)
Limited Supply (Ecommerce)
Future Commerce (Ecommerce)
Huberman Lab (Health)
The Shift to Freedom (Mindfulness/Growth)
Pulling the Thread with Elise Loehnen (Mindfulness/Health)
Eckart Tolle: Essential Teachings (Mindfulness)
Newsletters:
Not Boring (Business)
Axios AM (Business/News)
First Round Review (Business)
MKT1 (Marketing Strategy)
Femstreet (Business)
Future Commerce (Ecommerce)
DTC Briefing by Modern Retail (Ecommerce)
Every.to (Variety/Strategy)
Bits of Wonder (Mindfulness)
Bookbear Express (Mindfulness)
Mind Mine (Mindfulness)
Books are a constant consumption source for me but they are my go-to in the morning. I usually focus all of my Inner Work research on books but will be incorporating some more Outer Work material throughout. On average, I read ~3 books/mo.